Comedy

So Ukraine has elected a comedian, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, to be its new president. Well done, Ukraine, strong work. We’ve had a comedian in the hot seat for the last few years and I can promise you, you’re in for a wild ride.

Seeing as we’re on the subject, now seems the perfect opportunity to take a look back at some of the high points of Theresa May’s comedy career. There are plenty to choose from – when you’re as naturally funny, versatile and technically gifted as Theresa is, you’re going to rack up the classic moments.

What better place to start than with her remarkable headlining slot at the 2017 Tory party conference, a gig that has gone down in stand up history. Sure, Ricky Gervais can claim all sorts of records for his live shows, while the late great Richard Pryor usually tops the best-of polls, but the flawless set Theresa unleashed that day was equal to anything they’ve achieved, and right up there with Dave Chappelle’s Killin Them Softly and Bill Hicks’ Relentless.

It was one of those performances. Everything worked for Teresa. Her timing was so precise it could only be measured in Planck units; she dreamed up an inspired ‘having a cough’ device, which allowed her to bring an element of tragicomedy to the show; she even sprinkled visual gags into the heady mix, arranging for a single letter from the hilarious, ironic slogan strung up behind the podium (‘Building a country that works for everyone’) to detach itself at a key moment and dive decisively to the floor. Now, that’s how to drop an F-bomb, Frankie Boyle.

Perhaps most impressively, Theresa did something she’s not known for: she collaborated, bringing in prankster Simon Brodkin and deadpan specialist Philip Hammond to help keep the comedy fireworks exploding. It was an unexpected but thrilling move, and one which gave the PM(SL) the chance to set herself up for some seemingly-off-the-cuff but surely meticulously planned one-liners. When, bang on cue, Brodkin poked a fake P45 in her face, Theresa unleashed the cutting quip, “I was going to talk about someone I’d like to give a P45 to, and that’s Jeremy Corbyn.” Burn, beardy, burn.

Her skit with Chancellor of the Exchequer Hammond was equally on the money. The Hamster’s task was to play the part of an undermining underling, who leaps to the podium to proffer a sarcastic cough sweet to the spluttering and supposedly struggling leader. The moment looked so real but was, of course, another pre-planned set up for yet more weapons-grade May shade.

“I hope you notice that, ladies and gentlemen,” she proclaimed, “the Chancellor giving something away for free.”

The auditorium erupted. The Tories’ jester-in-residence Boris Johnson was so blown away, he temporarily lost the ability to stand and had to be coaxed out of this micro-coma by Amber Rudd. Indeed, his mental capacities have remained impaired ever since, such was the power of Theresa’s performance. It’s reassuring and humbling to know these images have been beamed out into space, and that all intelligent universal life can see how far we’ve come.

Following up Live At Conference 2017 12 months later was always going to be a big ask, but credit to Tezza, she wasn’t ready to rest on her already monumental achievements. Indeed, she’d she’d been working on some sensational new material and in August 2018, like every sensible comedian, took the embryonic routine out on the road in order to knock it into shape, to fine-tune and hone the piece before bringing it back to the bright lights of Conference. 

She opted to road test the set somewhere off the beaten comedy track – again, a wise call – somewhere she knew she wouldn’t be able to rely on easy laughs from an already sympathetic crowd. So it was during a short tour of Africa that audiences first got to see Theresa’s daring but inspired freaky comedy dancing.

Channelling her natural born gift for physical comedy and hinting at undocumented stints studying at the École Internationale de Mimodrame de Paris and the Royal Ballet, Teresa seamlessly fused the rhythmic ability of a tipsy diabetic divorcee aunt with that of a malfunctioning homemade robot. Once seen it can never be forgotten. Yay.

Do yourself a favour and check out clips of the Tezdog practising her moves during those wildly creative days in Africa. It’s the equivalent of watching The Beatles recording takes during the sessions for Sgt Pepper’s, Vincent conjuring sunflowers upon canvas in Arles, or God arranging the stars in the sky on Day Four of Creation. Yes, check out those remarkable African tour clips and look at the faces of the lucky crowd gathered around Theresa. They appear stunned, don’t they? Lost for words. Confused. Maybe even slightly scared. You’d look like that too if you found yourself quite so close to a broiling cauldron of genius in full effect. 

Satisfied the routine was as sharp and on point as possible, Theresa knew she could take the risk of making it the opening to her 2018 Conference performance. To the strains of – wait for it – Abba’s Dancing Queen, (so clever – so Theresa), she staggered onto the stage and lurched weirdly towards the podium, her rigid limbs jabbing and stabbing away as Agnetha and Anni-Frid cooed ecstatically in the background. It was a riot. Once behind the podium she hit the astonished crowd with a sucker punch call-back: “You will have to excuse me if I do cough during the speech!” Sensational.

Of course, front-loading your set with such perfection is always a risky move, and, as it turns out, much of what followed has been forgotten, apart from a LOL-tastic gag about how austerity was over. All in all, however, it was still a worthy follow up to an iconic moment in modern comedy.

Since then, Theresa’s been busily experimenting with different comedic tropes. In the last few weeks, she’s proved herself a master of one of the fundamental devices in comedy: repetition. The way she’s brought back her deeply unpopular Brexit deal, time and time again – a fourth attempt is rumoured for next week – has been side-splitting, like watching a drunk running into a brick wall over and over and over. The repetition has started to move into the realms of the absurd. Samuel Beckett would have approved.

But before anyone starts worrying she could be heading off down some surrealist comedy rabbit hole, or looking to go all edgy (her taboo-challenging reactions to Grenfell and the Windrush scandal were a complete joke), Theresa’s also made it clear she can still mix it with the mainstream. Her recent impression of meerkat Aleksandr Orlov – who, coincidentally is rumoured to be weighing up running for president in his homeland of Russia – showcased her often overlooked gift for mimicry. 

She even has that most mainstream of comedy accessories: a catchphrase, which is repeated up and down the country, from the ravaged north east, through the furious West Midlands and into darkest Kent. All together now… “Brexit means Brexit!” Ahh.. it’s funny. It just is.

That’s the thing about Theresa, she’s a comedian of the people, for the people. Indeed, she’s truly building a comedy that works (f)or everyone. Volodymyr Zelenskiy has an awful lot to live up to.